I want Tourism NZ as a client

You’ve probably seen the viral post about the UK which American tourist Scott Waters wrote

I’ve updated it for New Zealand as seen through the eyes of an American Tourist. These insights help showcase the fun differences visitors notice about Godzone.

And if the Tourism NZ team are reading this…. there are loads more ideas where this one came from.

100 Observations About New Zealand

By a Visiting American (AI). 

Note: These observations come from genuine affection for New Zealand and its people. Any Kiwi reading this probably has 100 observations about Americans that would be equally amusing and accurate. Sweet as, bro.

woman in yellow bikini snorkelling with fish in New Zealand
Glass Bottom Boat, Whitianga Source: Tourism NZ Visual Library Credit Miles Holden
  1. Everyone calls it “Kiwi” everything – KiwiBank, Kiwi fruit, Kiwi people. The actual bird is surprisingly grumpy.
  2. They put beetroot on burgers and act like this is completely normal.
  3. “Yeah, nah” means no. “Nah, yeah” means yes. “Yeah, nah, yeah” means maybe.
  4. Their money is colorful, waterproof, and impossible to tear. Ours looks like Monopoly money by comparison.
  5. Jacinda Ardern was more popular in America than most of our own politicians.
  6. They call flip-flops “jandals” and everyone owns at least three pairs.
  7. The country has more sheep than people, but somehow the sheep don’t run things (unlike some places).
  8. Their coffee is so good it makes Starbucks taste like dishwater.
  9. Everyone knows someone who was an extra in Lord of the Rings.
  10. They call cotton candy “fairy floss” which is infinitely more magical.
  11. Their healthcare actually works AND they don’t complain about it as much.
  12. “Sweet as” doesn’t involve sugar – it just means “cool” or “great.”
  13. They have a town called “Hell” and another called “French Pass” – the French one is scarier.
  14. Their bacon is just ham pretending to be bacon.
  15. They say “How’s it going?” but don’t actually wait for an answer.
  16. The All Blacks do a war dance before rugby games and somehow this isn’t considered unsporting.
  17. They have seasons backwards, which means Christmas barbecues actually make sense.
  18. Their national bird can’t fly, their national tree isn’t native, and their most famous residents are hobbits.
  19. Everyone has a “bach” (pronounced “batch”) which is basically a shed by the beach they call a vacation home.
  20. They call swimsuits “togs” and coolers “chilly bins.”
  21. Their accent makes everything sound like a question even when it isn’t?
  22. They have earthquakes regularly and just shrug them off like we do traffic jams.
  23. Their idea of spicy food is adding tomato sauce to everything.
  24. They call gas stations “petrol stations” and act shocked when you don’t know what petrol is.
  25. Everyone drives like they’re late for something, but there’s never actually any traffic.
  26. They have a dessert called “hokey pokey” that has nothing to do with the dance.
  27. Their version of the American dream involves owning property anywhere within 100km of Auckland.
  28. They say “keen” instead of “interested” – “Keen for a coffee?” means “Want coffee?”
  29. They have volcanoes in their backyards and complain about the house prices instead.
  30. Their groceries cost more than a mortgage payment, but the wine is cheaper than water.
  31. Everyone has an opinion about Australian accents but gets offended if you confuse theirs.
  32. They call shopping carts “trolleys” and act like we’re the weird ones.
  33. Their postal service delivers mail with addresses like “Blue house, third farm past the big rock.”
  34. They have a chocolate bar called “Pineapple Lumps” that contains no pineapple.
  35. Their national dessert is meringue with fruit on top and they will fight you over who invented it.
  36. They drive on the left side of the road but their steering wheels are on the right side of the car.
  37. Everyone has a story about nearly hitting a sheep/cow/random farm animal on the highway.
  38. They call trucks “utes” and half of them are held together with number 8 wire and good intentions.
  39. Their idea of Mexican food would make a Taco Bell executive weep.
  40. They have more craft breweries per capita than sense, and we’re here for it.
  41. Everyone knows how to pronounce Māori place names or at least pretends to.
  42. They have a city called “Rotorua” that smells like sulfur but has amazing hot springs.
  43. Their weather changes every five minutes, but they never carry umbrellas.
  44. They call bell peppers “capsicums” and refuse to acknowledge this is wrong.
  45. Everyone has an uncle who lives “up north” or a cousin who moved to Australia.
  46. Their rugby players are treated like gods, their cricket players like mortals.
  47. They have drive-through bottle shops because, priorities.
  48. They call popsicles “ice blocks” and somehow this makes more sense.
  49. Their national airline safety videos are more entertaining than most movies.
  50. Everyone owns a barbecue but calls it a “barbie” without irony.
  51. They have a burger joint called “Fergburger” with queues longer than Disney World.
  52. Their milk comes in glass bottles like it’s 1950, and it tastes better.
  53. They say “chur bro” instead of “thanks dude” and it works.
  54. Their speed limits are suggestions that everyone ignores equally.
  55. They have a mountain called “Mount Maunganui” that’s actually a hill.
  56. Everyone has a wetsuit but only half know how to surf.
  57. Their idea of fine dining includes at least one item with “kumara” (sweet potato) in it.
  58. They call lunch “smoko” even when nobody smokes anymore.
  59. Their politicians actually resign when they mess up (what a concept).
  60. They have a bird that attacks people during nesting season and everyone just accepts this.
  61. Their rental cars come with unlimited mileage because the country is basically one long road trip.
  62. They call McDonald’s “Maccas” with genuine affection.
  63. Everyone has an opinion about the America’s Cup despite never going sailing.
  64. Their rugby team’s silver fern logo is more recognizable worldwide than their actual national flag.
  65. They have a phrase “world famous in New Zealand” which perfectly captures their adorable relationship with global recognition.
  66. They have a town with a 85-letter name that no tourist can pronounce.
  67. Everyone owns gumboots (rain boots) in at least two colors.
  68. Their ATMs apologize when you’re out of money.
  69. They call tornados “dust devils” and act like they’re lawn sprinklers.
  70. Their pharmacies are called “chemists” like they’re mixing potions.
  71. Everyone knows the haka but only performs it at weddings and rugby games.
  72. They have a cookie called “Afghan” that’s not from Afghanistan.
  73. Their elevators are called “lifts” which is more accurate but sounds pretentious.
  74. Everyone has a friend named “Bazza” or “Gazza” or some other nickname ending in “zza.”
  75. They put pineapple on pizza without the controversy we have about it.
  76. Their electricity plugs look like shocked faces.
  77. Everyone owns a puffy jacket in black, and they wear them year-round.
  78. They call ketchup “tomato sauce” and put it on everything, including eggs.
  79. Their idea of Mexican food is putting corn kernels on things.
  80. Everyone has a bach, wants a bach, or knows someone with a bach.
  81. They say “cheers” instead of goodbye, thank you, hello, or basically any social interaction.
  82. Their grocery stores sell single bananas and nobody questions this.
  83. Everyone drives a Toyota and acts like they discovered cars.
  84. They have a drink called “L&P” (Lemon & Paeroa) that tastes like carbonated lemonade.
  85. Their idea of spicy is adding pepper to the salt.
  86. Everyone owns hiking boots but half have never seen a mountain up close.
  87. They call vacuum cleaners “hoovers” regardless of brand loyalty.
  88. Their Christmas songs mention pohutukawa trees instead of pine trees.
  89. Everyone has an opinion about which beach is best despite them all looking identical to outsiders.
  90. They say “no worries” so much it should be the national motto.
  91. Their ice cream flavors include “boysenberry” and “hokey pokey” and somehow this works.
  92. Everyone owns a beanie (they call them “beanies” too) in team colors.
  93. They put butter on sandwiches even when there’s already mayo.
  94. Their radio plays more American music than New Zealand music, but they’re proud of their local bands.
  95. Everyone has a story about meeting someone famous at a pub or café.
  96. They call candy “lollies” and it sounds like they’re talking to children.
  97. Their idea of fine wine involves at least one sauvignon blanc from Marlborough.
  98. Everyone owns a kayak or knows someone who does.
  99. They say “she’ll be right” about everything from broken cars to national disasters.
  100. Their customer service people actually seem happy to help you.
  101. After visiting, you understand why people say it’s “God’s Own Country” – and you’re slightly offended your own country isn’t as nice to live in.
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